There are a lot of jokes about oilrig workers floating around the Internet, but that’s okay because Roughnecks laugh as hard as they work, even at themselves.
Roughnecks are Good at the Sensitive Stuff
From Drilling Ahead:
Three Roughnecks were working up in the derrick: John, Lonnie and Donnie. As they start their descent John slips, falls out of the derrick and is killed instantly.
As the ambulance takes the body away, Lonnie says, “Well, someone should go and tell his wife.” Donnie says, “OK, I’m pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I’ll do it.”
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser. Lonnie says, “Where did you get that beer, Donnie?” “John’s wife gave it to me,” Lonnie replies.” That’s unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?”
“Well, not exactly”, Donnie says. “When she answered the door, I said to her, you must be John’s widow’.”
She said, “You must be mistaken, I’m not a widow.”
Then I said “I’ll bet you a case of Budweiser you are.”
Directional Drillers
After a bad blowout three oilfield workers are walking around the rigsite; a roughneck, a MWD hand, and a directional driller. As they’re walking along the edge of the pad, they see a naked foot sticking out of a bush. When they investigate, they find the nude body of a young female geologist. Her clothing must have been blown off her body by an explosion.
Out of respect and propriety, the roughneck immediately takes off his hardhat and places it over her left breast. Quickly following suit, the MWD hand takes off his hardhat and places it over her right breast. They look at the directional driller. After much complaining and grumbling, the directional driller places his hardhat over the young woman’s private parts.
The toolpusher quickly comes over to check the body. He lifts the roughneck’s hardhat and then puts it back down and hastily scribbles some notes on his report. Then he lifts the MWD hardhat and puts it back down and takes some more notes. Finally he lifts the directional driller’s hardhat and sets it back down. Hesitating, he bends back over, lifts it up and looks again, then sets it down. Still unsure of what to do, he looks a third time underneath the directional driller’s hardhat. Annoyed, the directional driller asks him “what’s wrong with you? Are you some kind of pervert?”
“Well,” said the toolpusher, “I am just simply surprised. Normally, when you look under a directional driller’s hat… you find an a**hole.”
Roughnecks and Wrenches
From Roughneck City:
This Roughneck went to the hardware store.
The attendant asked what he needed and he told him he needed a wrench.
When asked what type of wrench, the Roughneck replied “It don’t make no difference. I’m going to use it for a hammer anyway!
Two Roughnecks Head to Texas
From Oilfield Appreciation:
Two Roughnecks from North Dakota were on a trip to South Texas to sign on with a new drilling contractor when they were pulled over by a State Trooper.
The trooper walked up and tapped on the driver-side window with his nightstick.
The Roughneck rolled down the window and WHACK, the trooper smacked him in the head with his nightstick.
“What the heck was that for?” the Roughneck asked.
“You’re in Texas,” the trooper answered. “When we pull you over in Texas, you better have your license ready by the time we get to your car.”
The trooper ran a check on the license and the Roughneck was clean, so he gave him his license back.
The trooper then walked around to the passenger side and tapped on the window and the other Roughneck rolled down the window and “WHACK”, the trooper smacked him on the head with the nightstick.
“What’d you do that for?” the other Roughneck demanded.
“Making your wish come true,” replied the trooper.
“Making WHAT wish come true?” the Roughneck asked.
“I know you Roughneck types,” The trooper said. “A hundred feet down the road, you would’ve turned to your buddy and said… “I wish that SOB would’ve tried that on me!”